Yelling at the universe bites me in the ass.

A range of negative emotions have rolled through me this week. Like I mentioned before I don't believe in God like most people do. I do believe in the power of the universe. So yesterday I asked for help. Most people may call it "praying." But I was yelling. I was yelling at the universe to make things work out my way. I asked for a job I asked for the strength to remove myself from the situation I am in.

How does the universe respond? By discovering something less than desirable in my father's MRI. Of course when my mom informs me of this tonight I am immediately sadden. But then I just got angry. Angry at the universe but mostly angry at myself. Worst of all I don't even have anyone to talk about it with. Not that I even know how to talk about it. 

I know I need to be hopeful and not jump into any conclusions. Many more tests still need to be done. But All I can think about is how I was hopeful the first time we received a bad medical diagnosis  in my family. I was one delusional human being. When I was told that my nephew had cancer 6 years ago I wasn't worried. "People beat cancer all the time" I said to myself. A year later he lost the battle and the whole family was crushed.

So all I can think of is, is this the price I have to pay for asking for something from the universe? Well then universe you can keep your job. I rather have  my dad.