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Monday, July 16, 2012

My Battle With Insomnia & Mania

You know that time between extremely late night & the sun is about to come out? That time when you feel it’s way too late to even bother going to sleep because if you do you are going to wake up way too late. Well that’s the time when I feel the most productive. Theoretically that is. When I get insomnia it’s because I have a million and one thoughts going through my head. That endless “to-do” list keeps repeating over and over again in your mind. You can’t sleep because you have a lot to do. Then again, you won’t be able to do those things because you have not slept! Quite a pickle I am in. Certainly this sounds familiar to many people. My problem is my “to-do” list extends far beyond what I need to get done in the morning. I stretch it out and go as far as my 5 year plan.

For example: I need to finish organizing the room tomorrow. I have to pick up all the toys. But I haven’t finished updating the toy box. In order to finish updating the toy box I have to get additional materials. I have to vacuum the room. There’s a horrible stain on the carpet that is really bothering me. I have to also get a steam vacuum. Where do I get a steam vacuum? How much will it cost? Will I know how to use it? It’s going to take forever for me to use it. Do I have to treat the carpet with a special product first? Now I have to go & research carpet cleaning. When I do get the steamer…I am going to have to move all the furniture in the room to make sure the entire carpet is cleaned. That’s a lot of furniture. The dresser is extremely heavy, as is the wardrobe. I need more storage containers. I am not pleased with the storage boxes I got on sale from Ikea. They don’t match my color scheme. Many items don’t match my color scheme. I should go to Home Depot & buy spray paint to paint the items and get them to match my color scheme. Which things should I spray paint? Should I stencil some? Which ones? Should I do a silver background & aquamarine stencil. Or should it be an aquamarine background with a silver stencil? Or maybe it should be tan with silver. It all depends on the item & the location of the item. I need an area rug. What design should I chose for an area rug. I don’t want to spend too much money on an area rug… It goes on and on and on.

Those thoughts are all crammed into a span of no more of 5 minutes. But I keep repeating those same thoughts over & over and over until it is 6:15 a.m. in the morning & I force myself to go to bed.

The internet doesn’t help. I begin researching one thing which leads me to research another topic and another. YouTube break. Music is needed to match the feelings.  Nevertheless, now I have focused some of that energy into my writing. That’s a smidge more productive then just over analyzing.

My over-thinking scares me sometimes.  I have come a long way. It used to deter me from getting anything accomplished. It has gotten better. But once in a while I get my manic moments. The worst is when I am super hard on myself because I know I won’t be able to get anything done. My body is going to be all out of whack. Even though I can physically get up early, mentally I will be drained.

The next day: I wake up at a reasonable hour. Would 11:00 am on a Sunday be considered reasonable? Let’s see. Stores don’t open until noon anyway so consensus say...yes!

 My day is surprisingly productive & has a mostly sanguine disposition. (Word of the day: sanguine Use it in a sentence today!) I am surprised because my manic episodes are usually followed by quite a few depressive days.

I finished organizing the room!  Toys picked up, laundry finished (including towels & linens), blog updated, carpet vacuumed, kids stimulated with artistic activities,  furniture dusted, blog updated, husband pleased...oops… maybe it’s a negative on the last one. But I can’t ever win with him regardless. I will score this one as a victory, even though I neither made it to home depot for spray paint nor Ikea for a rug.

However, we have come full circle. It is once again almost 4:00 a.m. Tomorrow, I mean later on today will be another day. Can I keep a streak going? Doubtful. My body & mind needs some rest. Could this be manic day number two? That would certainly be new. I have never had two manic days in a row.  The suspense is killing me.

 If this hit you from left field you may want some background info from here.

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