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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Better Late Than Never

I had said that perfection will not mean procrastination but it didn't work out the way I hoped. Life doesn't work out the way you ever hope. I have really learned to accept my imperfections. I really wanted to dedicate myself to my writing and my blog. I figured if I had no new exciting projects, no new fancy recipe or no new amazing photograph then a post would not be worthy. How silly of me. Sometimes my thoughts are just enough. They should be enough. I can't ever be fully confident about anything. Even as I am writing this simple post about my complicated thought process I still can't help but have a sense of hesitation.

Is is lame to post your inner most thoughts for any one to read? Are people going to say "there she goes ranting away again." Despite all these apprehensions I still chose to post something today. This blog means something to me. I want to leave my mark in the world. I wouldn't mind being discovered hundreds of years after my death has passed by. Or simply have my children, grandchildren or even great grandchildren stumble upon this many years from now. It's my way to show myself to the world. The only way to be able to show the world the real me.

School has kept me very busy. I have always found education to be quite rewarding. Yet I sometimes feel like it is not enough. Although I am doing exceptionally well, I still kick myself in the butt for not starting out well over 10 years ago. Although it stings to know I messed up big time, it taught me a lot. Maybe I can guide someone just starting out themselves. Maybe this experience will help me guide my children.

Lately, even though I am 28, sometimes I still feel 18; In the full of energy, life and hope way and simultaneously in the confused and lost way. I am just a walking contradiction.

When I was younger I was spontaneous. But life experience has taught me that you can't just act without considering the consequences. I took it to the extreme however. I over analyze EVERY scenario.  To the point that if the outcome is incalculable then I avoid the situation and make no decision at all.

The other day I mentioned to the hubby that I was thinking of joining a gym. Considering joining a gym was simply step one of the though process and decision making. I had to analyze if this is the right time to do it?Am I motivated enough to commit? How much should I spend monthly? Which gym would I consider? Not the hubby. He went out the next day and came back with 2 gym memberships. I was furious! We never discussed any of the things I was thinking about! Of course he gets mad for me getting mad. I decided to not turn it into a fight. It's not his fault he's super impulsive and I am over analytically. Maybe it was for the best. I mean, is this seriously something to have to over think? Most would agree with the hubby. So I took it as a win. Now I can go and over analyze on something else like what will my workout plan will be.

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