I am so tired. Emotionally drained. I don't want someone to do something just because I want them to do it. I want that person to be just as excited as I am when they are participating in life. I am tired of seeing a sour face. I am beyond fed up with nonchalance. I only pretend to be a homebody. I really am adventurous but I don't really have anyone to have these adventures with. That devastates me. I can tell why it took Ted Mosby 8 years to find The Mother.
I want someone who understands sacrifices. We can all be a little selfish sometimes but when EVERYTHING depends on whether or not it's something for your convenience then it's ridiculous and just plain unacceptable.
I don't even keep these feelings to myself. I speak them loud and clear. But it's as if I never even said them at all. Worst, at times it's as if I don't even exist at all. Queue Mr. Cellophane from Chicago.
Slowly but surely I am beginning to understand the idiom "Mejor estar sola que mal acompañada." Which means it's better to be alone than in bad company...it sounds prettier in Spanish. I have tried to remain strong and just suck it up. Obviously I have just been lying to myself. I will always be the first to admit that I am delusional.
I become complacent in my situation. It only takes a glimmer of hope to drag me back in. They say that there are always good times and bad times but I don't spend my days counting my pros and cons. All I know is that when the bad times appear is is intensely painful and the good times aren't exceptionally exciting. I think I get more excited about the fact that a happy moment occurred in the first place!
Yet I remain in the same situation.