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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

What is love? A question that took 2 years to answer.

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt more. If you didn't start singing that then you and I can't be friends.

In one of our deep conversations my friend V asked me "what is your idea of being loved?"
"How did your husband make you feel loved?"
Once again the answer didn't come easily to me.
"If you don't know where you're going then how are you going to get there." That statement repeats over and over in my head.

Quite honestly, I don't even know what love is anymore. It took me 2 months to come up with an idea of what being loved means to me. I just wanted someone who I looked forward to seeing after a long day at work. Someone who would be just as excited to see me when I walked in the door.
V graciously responded with.. "So you want a dog." It was funny but no, I don't want a dog.

It has now been 4 months since her question. I was afraid to answer her question then because I felt that my idea of love was too extravagant. I feel loved

1) When someone shares the same ideologies with me.
2) When someone "gets me".
3) When people find my quirks endearing.
4) When someone feels connected to me.
5) When someone values my opinion.
6) When a genuine interest is displayed
7) When someone cares enough to force me off a slump.

I started this post back in July of 2014... Almost two years ago. That means that for the past two years I have not given love any thought. I literally put love on hold. At least that's the case for romantic love. The past 2 years have been all about self love and family love. But I am ready. I am ready for romantic love again.

I actually have been thinking about it for quite some time. It wasn't until I saved a Ted-Ed video that I realized how much thought I had really given it:

My two favorite theories:

1) Bertrand Russel 1872-1970

"Love is escape from our loneliness.
Our fear of the cold cruel world temps us to build hard shell to protect and isolate ourselves. Love's delight, intimacy, and warmth helps us overcome our fear of the world, escape our lonely shell and engage more abundantly in life. Love enriches our whole being...."

I truly believe that the right love does help us engage more abundantly in life. Love does help conquer our fear of the world. I know for a fact that I am more courageous when I have someone else besides me.  

2) Simone De Beauvoir 1908-1986

"Love lets us reach beyond ourselves.
Love is the desire to integrate with another. Love infuses our life with meaning."

Loving authentically... what a concept! That's exactly that kind of love I want. That's the only love I would accept. My goal is to find that person that I can enrich my life and the world with.

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