Recently I have been going through an existential crisis. According to my friend this crisis has been ongoing for 10 years. She is only half right. In the past ten years I have probably gone through at least one existential crisis per year. The lengths of these crises (side note: I love words whose plural form are irregular eg., geese, theses, cacti, syllabi etc.) range from one month to six months. It seems like a rather odd, unproductive and ridiculous way to spend your time. I'd like to say that it's something I cannot control and it just happens... but deep down I know I am in control. When I am stuck in that mode however it is darn near impossible to leave that dark hole. Everything I can dream of and imagine gets obliterated by a simple phrase..."What's the point?"
This has caused me to have a sort of writer's block. My lack of writing is due to a lack of inspiration combined with self doubt. Like most mysteries in life I am not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg? Am I uninspired because I doubt myself or do I doubt myself because I am uninspired? Or maybe it's just my inclination for perfection? I promised that perfection would not lead to procrastination but I have stumbled. This is what it means to fall off the wagon. But like the old saying goes, and I am paraphrasing, "It doesn't matter that you fall down 7 times, what matter is that you get back up 8."
I am sure every writer goes through this phase of:
"Am I good enough to be considered a writer?"
"Am I clever enough?"
"If no one gets inspired by my words, does that make me a failed writer?"
In times of crisis I turn to the magic of film making. One of my favorite scenes from Amelie is when Hipolito finds the quote from his book written on a wall. Being passionate about quotes, I hope to find a quote of mine randomly one day. For now I will stick to my favorite pin about becoming a better writer: