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Sunday, April 12, 2015

The Social Paradox

She was simply a girl that wanted a good story to tell. She walked the streets making these elaborate scenarios of how she would encounter interesting people. But when the moment passed and nothing eventful occurred she quickly became disappointed. Disappointment was followed by self evaluation and self criticism.
Sometimes she considered Robert  Fulghum's method of putting up a sign at her table in a coffee shop that read "Tell me your love story and I'll buy you a cup of coffee." Except it didn't need to be a love story. Her sign would simply read "Tell me your story".

She is a paradox. She only wants to hear the stories of those people that are hesitant to tell them. That way she can sneak some words in from time to time. People that are too eager to tell their story barely let others speak. Therefor she simultaneously yearned to be approached but yet feared it intensely. She called it social roulette.

She refused to believe that people did things for the sake of doing them. She felt everything had meaning or purpose. She liked to analyze every word, every tone, every body movement, every expression. She wanted to decipher the person. She wanted to see into their soul. The superficial surface never interested her. She made it her mission to get inside. She knew she wouldn't be able to do it with every person, but that never stopped her from trying.

She was cautious when she found someone interesting. She didn't want to seem overbearing. But that is what she was. Overbearing. The girl that asked too many personal questions. The girl that tried to get you to talk about things you didn't want to talk about. The girl that got you out of your comfort zone. She was extremely grateful when someone tries to get her out of her comfort zone. She found it refreshing.

She fell in love quickly. Not only in the romantic way. She fell in love with people in general. When she thought to herself "I would love to be this person's friend" it was because she already fell in love with their soul.

Her introversion held her back, Trying to spark conversation with people exhausted her. So much that  when she felt it forced she would not give it another try. Sometimes she just wanted to yell out "OMG you are so cool we should like totally hang out" in her best valley girl voice of course.
Yet she still hides it. Because she really doesn't have time to nourish all those friendships. She doesn't have time nor the energy. It is simply a pipe dream.

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