Mini Han Solo

Tristan dresses as Han Solo for Star Wars Celebration VI! His favorite part was battling other tikes and seeing all the R2D2's. He had the time of his life and can't wait to go back for day 2!

My First Born

"First day of school! First day of school! Get up! Get up!" I love that part in Finding Nemo. 

That's what I had on my mind when I woke up and that's what I said to Jayden. The school year just began but I know it will be gone in a blink of an eye. I still remember when he was in pre-K. It seems like it was just yesterday. I feel like Kindergarten and First grade went by way too fast. 

Jayden Lay is 7 years old at the beginning of 2nd grade.

Favorite color: Red

Favorite book: Captain Underpants (his first chapter book!)

Favorite foods: Fruits & Pizza (just not together)

Favorite letter: N (just because he likes it)

Favorite song: "I'm sexy and I know it"

Favorite TV Show: Ninjago

Favorite Movie: Shaolin Soccer

Favorite sport: Soccer

Favorite video game: Halo Reach 

I can't wait to see how much he grows and changes at the end of 2nd grade.

Boys to Men

Getting all pumped up for the first day of school got me all motherly. Once again I can't just live in the moment. I started thinking about the kind of men my boys will grow up to be: More specifically their occupations.

Do you think that Barrack Obama's mom looked at him when he was baby and said "I just know you will be president some day"?

I know that certain children are born into affluentual families and are destined to continue in the family business. Some take their place willingly others go in fighting and screaming. Then there are the few that want to make their own mark in the world unobstructed by nepotism. When I become a rich entrepreneur (took me a while to figure out how to spell that: Don't judge me!) I would hope my sons would carry on the family business but I would not force them into it. I guess that choice becomes harder with 3rd generation family corporations. 

I try to tell my sons everyday that it doesn't matter what they chose as a career as long as they are happy with their choice. I can't wait to see the type of men they will become. The opportunities are endless. 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

I relate this Alexander Pope excerpt from Eloisa to Abelard to my best friend “Karen”.  The obvious reason being, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind is one of her favorite movies. Who doesn’t love Jim Carey in a serious yet still funny role? The second reason, a more earnest reason, is my analysis of this quote. It reminds me of Karen’s demeanor. Here is my analysis:

How happy is the blameless vesta’s lot!

To me that line means the writer is amazed at the happiness of an innocent & pure individual’s fortune.

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Even though the rest of the world has forgotten the pure minded, they in turn have also forgotten the rest of the world.

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind!

Their happiness is never fading and radiant. The spotless mind is referring to the same innocent & pure individual’s thoughts. Their thoughts are clear of evil.

Each pray’r accepting, and each wish resign’d.

This last line deals with a relation with God. What is more pure than one that is dedicated to God? The individual is pure because they relinquish earthly desires and are capable of accepting God.

Spirituality and religion is a topic that Karen and I ALWAYS touch up on when we are together. Even as 18 year old wild girls we would have a long conversation about it after a long night of partying. One of the most memorable conversations was on a beach, under the glistening of the moon light. It was quite magical. At that point of my life I was referring to myself as an atheist because I didn’t believe in God. Later on in my life I realized that I hated being referred to as an atheist. “You have to believe in something” everyone would say. I have never been able to explain to people that I am not an atheist. I just don’t believe in God the way the majority of people believe in God. In laments terms, I don’t believe in God as an actual individual up in heaven really listening to people’s concerns and guiding them when asked. I do believe in human connection. I believe there is an invisible force that links every living thing to each other. You don't have to believe in God to believe in good. But that’s a topic on itself. Back to Karen.

She is a genuinely a pure person. She never wishes ill thoughts upon anyone & never causes harm on anyone. In fact she sees the good in everyone. Even in a selfish unfit mother. She gives people the benefit of the doubt. She does believe there are evil people in the world. But she just thinks they haven’t been put in a situation powerful enough to see the light.

She also sees the positive side of every situation.  She put herself in a bad situation once and her fortune hasn’t been the greatest. No one should have to pay for their mistakes forever. People who do bad things are not bad. They just make bad choices. She truly is a good human being. She deserves to be happy.

When I get to hang out with her it is always bittersweet. We always have a good time together. Not to mention it’s a wonderful release from motherhood. But when it ends it breaks my heart. I don’t know when we will have a moment like that again. We suck at planning night outs and our moods rarely coincide with each other. When I am up she’s down, when she’s down I am up. But I know that time will eventually come. Besides isn’t that what friendship is about: Picking up where you left off. Her goodness truly inspires me. I always wish I was as tolerant as she is. Instead of criticizing people and wondering what those people should be doing, she truly accepts their flaws knowing that they just need time.

People think she’s crazy and a little out there. I see her as a beautiful human being, inside and out.

One day UPDATE! I am pleased you introduce you to my friend "Karen." She use to to tell me she thought blogging was silly. Look at her now! She has been inspired. Eternal Sunshine of the Hippie Mind

Downward Spiral

The very first day of August I was on my way to the doctor's office with my two boys. It was raining very hard and I was coming to a red light when I saw the car in front of me hydroplane. I panicked but my with good reason. I thought I was going to hydroplane myself. Call it a self fulling prophecy, but that is exactly what happened. I made the number one mistake of pressing down on the brakes thinking it would help but instead it locked up the steering wheel so I couldn't even change lanes to avoid crashing into the car in front of me.

The kids and I were physically fine. I did have a total panic attack. If it weren't for some good samaritans I would have stayed in the middle of the busy road, frozen. They were quick to get my battery reconnected so that I can put the car in neutral so they can push me to safety.

Now I know that everyone always says "the important thing was no one was hurt." Don't say that to a neurotic individual like myself because it doesn't help! Of course I am grateful no one got hurt but at that moment, "it could have been worst" was not making me feel better.

Great, just freaking great! I just crashed the car, that isn't even mine but relied on to get around. The car that I was not even on the insurance for. The fault was going to be given to me since I hit someone from behind.

I survived though. I survived to deal with the aftermath. The $164.00 ticket I have to pay for being a "careless driver." I am not even going to bother to fight it because the cop places the fear in you that the amount can double if I was to fight it and lose. Who can afford that? How can I prove that it wasn't my fault but rather the rain. The rain can't stimulate the economy by paying a $164.00 ticket or double if you are found guilty in court. Then will the insurance cover that poor innocent girls car? The days of waiting for what the insurance will say are terrifying. Can I be sued? Knowing that regardless of whether or not the insurance will cover the other girl's car, it still is not going to fix our car for the mistake (according to FHP) that was my fault.

If they do cover the other girls car, I still need to pay $1,000 for the deductible. The money I had saved to fix the car that actually belongs to us. I try to tell myself, at least I have the money. But a part of me just wants to yell LIFE IS SUCH A BITCH! So I become depressed. Depressed because I am stuck at home. Depressed because I don't know if I will have enough money left over to even fix the car. Depressed because I am suppose to be starting school full time again and won't have a way to get there. Oh Depressed because that happened to be the same week my parents were coming to visit me and the kids and I couldn't even take them out. Depressed because it was my birthday and I was so looking forward to doing something more exciting than just staying home at night. My birthday which landed on a Saturday. The one highlight was that my mother-in-law agreed to take me back to school shopping for Jayden just to make me feel better on my birthday. I did have fun in the day time shopping for my son. I even managed to get myself 2 pairs of shorts as my own birthday gift.

Another highlight was when last Sunday afternoon I was moping around the house and shared my feelings with the hubby and instead of him shrugging me off actually took initiative and got me out of the house. We walked to a shopping center nearby, had lunch, strolled around, had ice cream and watched a movie. I was extremely grateful but once I was in the house again I became depressed again.

I know I am being petty and I should try to just figure out a solution. But that is the epitome of depression. The tiniest little problem seems impossible to solve and I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. In my mind this is the end of world! Even though I should just be grateful that things could have been worst. It's way easier said than done. The depression keeps me wallowing in my self pity.